


I need you. Don't stop needing me, too

by beachbee



Series: Zim/Steven Series [1]
Category: Invader Zim, Steven Universe (Cartoon), steven universe future - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Manipulation, Not Beta Read, STEVEN IS 18+, Steven and Zim are dependent on each other to an unhealthy degree?, Unhealthy Relationships, just trying to cover all my bases
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 12:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22849873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beachbee/pseuds/beachbee
Summary: Zim has long since realized his mission to conquer the planet was a farce, that his Tallests have no use for him, and has hopelessly come to terms with being stuck on Earth.Steven has quit managing Little Homeworld, his friends have moved on to bigger and better things, and he's struggling to figure out what to do with himself.An AU in which Zim arrives in Beach City with a damaged PAK. Zim, stumbling in his attempts to get used to living without his PAK, accepts Steven's eager offers to help in rehabilitating him. Along the way, they forget about rehabilitation as they become more and more dependant on each other.Steven needs someone to take care of, needs to be needed. Zim needs someone to give him purpose, needs to feel useful.Steven needs Zim, and Zim needs Steven.
Relationships: Invader Zim (Invader Zim)/Steven Universe (Steven Universe), Zim/Steven
Series: Zim/Steven Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642636
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	I need you. Don't stop needing me, too

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I know this is a stupid crack ship but I spent too much time thinking about it and eventually went *eyes emoji* at it so here's this ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Steven is 18+ plus in this AU don't @ me. Zim has been on Earth about 10 years, but what all has he been up to in all that time? Does Gir or Dib fit into this AU? What damaged Zim's PAK so irreparably, anyway? Maybe if people are interested in this I'll go into it in some more one shots of this AU.
> 
> Anyways here's this, comments are appreciated it! Sorry if it's ooc. Not beta read bc idk if anyone else is even interested in exploring this ship lol. Pretty sure its the only fic in the steven/zim tag rn >>;;

Steven was usually over-the-top, but this seemed a bit excessive. He’d ordered vegetarian pizza, several orders of fry bits, and a box of assorted donuts, though at least half were a variety of powdered and filled, Zim’s favorite. They’d taken the dondai all the way up to the cliff with a perfect view of Beach City, where Steven had set up a plush blanket and their dinner. When Zim had asked what the occasion was, the half-human had insisted it was necessary to celebrate the three month anniversary of his arrival and decision to stay in Beach City.

Excessive and ridiculous, Zim thought, but didn’t object. Steven was practically bursting with pride, knowing all of his companion’s favorites and having the means to pamper and satisfy. Only  _ Zim _ could make him smile like that, so he didn’t spoil the half-human’s fun by suggesting he might be going a little overboard. Besides, Zim deserved only the  _ best! _

That, and he was still winded from the short walk up the hill to the cliff and could hardly speak.  _ Winded _ despite the fact he only made it halfway up on his own before wearing himself out. Steven had scooped Zim up to carry him the rest of the way, hands carefully cradling under his useless PAK. PATHETIC. Steven set out the food before Zim’s fatigue could sour his mood and he eagerly dug into the fry bits and pizza as they watched the sunset. Sunset turned to starlight, and they broke open the donuts as they watched the twinkling stars.

“Here, lay down,” Steven said, flopping down onto his back and spreading out comfortably. “Better view for stargazing. Then you can see everything!”

“ _ This _ is hardly  _ everything! _ ” Zim scoffed around a mouthful of donut. He followed suit anyways, and laid back against the blanket. Steven was hogging up too much of it, and Zim didn’t feel like shoving him over, so instead he rested his head against Steven’s arm. Steven didn’t mention it and Zim settled in, enjoying the soft texture of Steven's jacket. “You know, back on Irk, the stars were really only a means of wayfinding if your navigational systems were down. Kind of like… road signs on Earth! Nobody pays attention to them.” Beside him, Steven snorted, likely thinking about the idiot tourists that had nearly run them down in the street last week.

“Here,” Zim continued, contemplative, “everyone is in agreement that they’re beautiful. Humans just… sit around staring at them. And this is only a  _ fraction _ of them all! No one did this back on Irk. I had never done this before coming to Beach City. The stars look so different from down here.”

Steven hummed inquisitively. “I thought you said you’ve been on Earth for almost ten years. You never stargazed when you were- well, wherever you were before Beach City?”

“No. I was… preoccupied. People didn’t really do it there, anyways.”

“ _ Nobody  _ stargazed? I find that kinda hard to believe.”

Zim huffed irritably, thinking of things he didn’t wish to revisit anytime soon. “Everyone there was stupid, smelly... I didn’t exactly make a lot of friends and I didn’t care about what the collective was doing! Besides, the people I  _ did _ ‘hang out’ with didn’t care about any of this stuff either. They never just… sat down and appreciated things.”

“Is that why you left?”

Zim grimaced and his antennae pressed back tight against his skull. “I still do not want to talk about it.” He felt tense, like he was bracing himself for something. For Steven to get impatient.

“Oh, yeah,” Steven’s arm jerked slightly under Zim’s head. He turned his head to see Steven staring back, giving an encouraging smile. “That’s alright, if you’re not ready yet. You know you can talk to me whenever you feel like you are.”

“I’m sorry.” Zim knew Steven just wanted to help, an innate care for others or a desperate urge to be needed, but... “I just can’t.”

“No, don’t be sorry! I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, I wouldn’t push you. Take your time.”

Zim gave a quick, short nod before hastily turning back to the stars. Steven was always eager to help, always eager to listen. Always insisting Zim take his time, that he would be there when he was ready.

Zim still hadn’t been able to admit that he didn’t think he’d ever be ready.

“I’m here for you,” Steven said, as he had countless times before, voice soft and sincere. So honest, so genuine, it made Zim’s squeedilyspooch knot.

“ _ HAHAHA!” _ he laughed to change the subject, voice loud and abrasive as opposed to Steven’s soft and soothing. Sometimes it made him want to shrink away, the attention it drew, but Steven said he liked to hear him laugh, unrestrained and real. “You are  _ always _ here, like a squak in my schmoopsquizz!”

“Pfft- I have no idea what that even is. But I know I can hardly pry you off of me! You're pretty clingy!” Steven chuckled, his own laughter coming in quick bursts from his chest. Zim didn’t say it, but he supposed Steven’s laugh was pleasant, too.

"Well, you don't exactly discourage me! Perhaps _ you  _ are the clingy one!" Zim snickered, turning back to the half-human as he gestured wildly at himself. "I'll start to think you're getting attached to all THIS!" He said it as if they didn't already spend every waking moment together.

Steven laughed again, ears going red. The laughter died down faster than before, and he rubbed the back of his neck and squirmed, looking… embarrassed. "Heh, guess you got me there."

Their eyes met, Steven's gaze intense. The half-human shifted onto his side to face Zim squarely, offering his undivided attention, nothing between them to distract them.

Zim's spooch flipped.

"We've been hanging out for a while now. I mean, I know it's only been a few months, and I know it probably feels even shorter for you, if you're anything like the Gems…"

_ Yes, _ Zim wanted to say. Yes, that a few months was hardly a blip with his lifespan and these few months didn't matter to Zim at all!

But he didn't. Because these few months had been so perfect, so easy, felt so _ right. _ Like he was meant to be here and meant to stay.

"I like spending time with you," Steven said.

'I hate being apart,' is what probably would have come next in a cheesy human romance movie, like the ones Zim used to watch years ago to research the ways of human romance and relationships. Zim didn't say it, but he could admit to himself that it was more fulfilling to be in Steven's company.

Steven rested a hand on Zim's cheek, and his calm snapped in an instant. He flinched and screwed his eyes shut, bracing himself for a familiar, too-tight grip on his face to yank him forward.

After a moment, nothing happened. Steven's grip could hardly even be called as much, fingers gently skating across Zim's cheekbone. Despite it, Zim's entire body was tense, waiting for a sudden change.

"Are you okay?" Steven asked. "Is- is this okay? Do you need some space?"

Zim willed his shoulders to go lax and his hands to stop shaking. They wouldn't, so he clenched them into fists instead. He opened his eyes into Steven's concerned face.

Rough hands and entitled demands- that wasn't Steven. Steven wouldn't hurt him. Zim knew that.

"I'm fine," he croaked.

Steven's expression relaxed, shooting him the smile that always gave Zim those human-named “butterflies” in his squeedilyspooch. He thumbed Zim's cheek gently until the Irken got used to the feeling, and eventually leaned into the half-human's touch.

And then Steven opened his big stupid mouth again.

"I think I love you."

* * *

Steven had thought everything had been going well. He'd set up a nice picnic of Zim's favorite foods, they had watched the sunset, they had stargazed. They'd talked for a while.

But when he'd turned over, got closer, set a hand on Zim's cheek, things very suddenly looked like they were going south.

Zim flinched at his touch. _ Winced, _ like he was afraid- afraid of _ Steven. _ He watched in mild horror as Zim went rigid under him, eyes squeezed shut as his hands shook. He was _ shaking. _

"Are you okay?" Steven asked, trying to keep his frantic worry out of his voice. After all the time they'd spent practically conjoined at the hip, he’d learned his own panic would quickly send Zim spiraling. "Is- is this ok? Do you need some space?"

Steven waited with baited breath as Zim took several moments to collect himself, shoulders slumping and hands balling into fists as his antennae twitched. The little Irken finally looked back up at him, voice tight. "I'm fine."

Zim did not look fine. But Steven's worrying would often only make it worse, and he needed to do was make it  _ better _ . Instead of making a fuss, he gently rubbed Zim's cheek, relishing the feel of soft green skin and flat cheekbones. Zim slowly relaxed under his fingers, and was soon leaning into the touch, eyes falling shut. His antennae went lax, and a small, almost inaudible humming began, almost like a purr.

Steven felt a rush at the sound, undeniable proof that only  _ he _ could help Zim relax so quickly and so deeply. Only  _ he _ could do this, Zim needed  _ him. _ His chest felt full and light all at the time.

"I think I love you."

And all at once, Zim’s eyes snapped open, he went rigid, and jerked away from Steven's touch, sitting up and scrambling away. Steven followed, alarmed. "Z-Zim? Are you-"

"Don't." Zim hissed against gritted teeth, curling up and hugging his knees. "Don't… say that."

"…I love you?"

" _ Stop. _ You don't." 

“Wha- yes I do! Zim,” Steven set a hand on Zim’s shoulder. Zim shook him off, shuffling further away, and Steven made no further attempt to touch him, instead placing himself in Zim’s line of sight. “Zim, listen. I know we’ve only had a few months together, but I really do think I love you-”

“ _ STOP,”  _ Zim snapped, avoiding eye contact. “I… er... Zim is bad for you!”

“Wh… What are you  _ talking  _ about?” Steven blurted in confusion. “Where’s this even coming from?”

“You- you don’t know anything about Zim!” the alien exclaimed, fumbling with his words as if he didn’t know where he was going with them. “I’ve… I’ve hurt people. I’ve killed people!”

“People on Earth?”

“...No, for Irk, but-”

“Then I know you’ve changed since then, that must have been at least a decade ago. That isn’t you anymore. You haven’t told me a lot about Irk, but I know they were like… brainwashing you to be some perfect soldier for some big empire that didn't even care about you. Besides, I’ve forgiven and helped rehabilitate _actual_ Gem war criminals? I helped redeemed _the_ _Diamond Authority?_ Pretty sure you haven’t done _anything_ that can compare to what they've done,” Steven chuckled. “You should know I’m not really one to hold a grudge, Zim, Come on. What’s this really about?”

Zim visibly faltered at how quickly Steven had taken apart his argument, but didn’t raise his head. “...I have been on earth long enough to know how humans  _ ‘love’.  _ I know what comes next. You will make demands I cannot meet and want things I cannot give...” His voice trailed off, holding himself tighter.

It had been a while since Zim had lumped all humans together so bitterly, and only several times had he lumped Steven in with them all. Steven knew he didn’t mean it- this was just the way Zim lashed out when he was frustrated. Steven knew the alien had an issue with self-worth, full of scorn for the broken hunk of metal fused to his back. He honestly believed himself to be broken as well, weak and useless without the “PAK’s” proper functions. Steven knew all this, but did Zim really believe himself so broken he thought Steven would leave him for it?

“Do you... really think I’m that shallow?” Steven sighed, shoulders slumping as he admitted, “I’m not gonna tell you you’re totally wrong. A lot of humans  _ do  _ start relationships with too-high expectations, and get frustrated when no one can meet them. And a lot of people just… up and leave you. A lot of people I’ve loved have left me.”

The Irken's antennae were flattened against his skull, but they twitched in Steven’s direction as Zim watched the half-human from the corner of his eye. Zim already knew about all of Steven's old friends. The ones that had grown up without him and left him behind for bigger and better things, no longer needing to solve their problems.

“I know it  _ sucks _ . I wouldn’t wish it on anybody,” Steven mumbled. “And I  _ promise _ I’d never leave you.”

Zim shook his head vehemently. “I am inadequate. You will-”

“Zim, I’m  _ not _ going to leave you because of-”

“I am not concerned with you  _ leaving!” _ Zim snapped, finally turning you face Steven with exhaustion, terror, and exasperation. “ _ Stupid human,  _ you are not understanding! Zim is  _ broken. _ I know you want to help. You want to fix me, but I am unfixable. You try to heal me, you try to help me adjust to my  _ useless  _ PAK, but just-  _ look! _ Look at Zim! We have been at this for months and  _ no _ improvement! I can’t even carry myself up this stinky, stupid ball of dirt!  _ PATHETIC!” _ Zim’s claws shred the grass as he shrieks in rage. Just as quickly as he’d snapped, his shoulders slumped again. He curled into himself, voice hoarse and hopeless. “Pathetic. I’ve wasted your time. Zim is...  _ defective _ . Once  _ you _ realize that… I  _ know _ what punishments await defectives.”

Steven’s guilt sunk to the bottom of his stomach like a rock.

In the beginning...Yeah, in the beginning, he’d been using Zim. Zim, who had been the first person who’d needed Steven’s help in  _ years.  _ Zim had landed at his doorstep with a broken PAK, exhausted, wounded, and paranoid. And Steven had been alone for so long, needing someone to take care of,  _ needing to be needed.  _ He had thrown himself headfirst into helping the alien heal. It made him feel  _ alive, _ having someone looking to him for help, depending on him to take care of them.

And he’d quickly realized that once Zim had healed and adjusted to life without a PAK, he’d leave Steven. Alone again. Unneeded.

Steven quietly stopped his attempts at rehabilitation. Instead, he all but coddled Zim, did everything for him. At times, he’d even actively sabotage Zim, suggesting exercises that would put more strain on him than help him regain his strength.

Steven had come far since then, and he’d come to truly care for Zim more intimately than his surface-level desire to help others. Those moments of weakness were far from his proudest, and so much more now that he knew Zim had been blaming himself for his lack of improvement. He knew he needed to confess what he’d done and apologize. Zim deserved as much, but… if Steven came clean now, Zim might never forgive him. He couldn’t risk that. He took a different approach.

“I don’t  _ care  _ if you’re broken. Or, defective, or whatever,” Steven set a hand on the Irken’s shoulder, when he wasn’t immediately shaken off, he scooted a bit closer. “Honestly, I love you just the way you are. I’d wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

Zim’s face screwed up in confusion. “Wha-?  _ Why? _ Explain yourself!”

“Because, I-”

“Explain yourself to Zim!”

“Because-”

“EXPLAIN!”

“BECAUSE I NEED YOU TO NEED ME!” Steven shouted, silencing Zim and leaving an awkward silence between them.

“...You like that Zim is useless?”

“Not _useless._ Just… helpless? I don't know," the half-human scrubbed his hands over his face, ears getting hot as he tried to explain himself. "Maybe I _like_ that you're defective! I _like_ that you need me to do everything for you! You… you know about how my friends used to need me to solve their problems, and then they suddenly didn't! Helping people is all I've got! I didn't know what to do with myself before you came along! I don't know what I'd do if _you_ ever stopped needing me, too! You make me feel… _alive,_ Zim! You make me feel like I've got a purpose again!"

Zim narrowed his eyes in a scrutinizing glare, sizing the half-human up. “I thought your goal was to fix me.”

“Maybe it _used_ to be- or maybe it never was? I don’t know anymore- I don't _care_ if you never get better. That's not the _point_ _anymore._ I just… need someone to take care of, and that's _you,_ and you're _perfect_ just letting me do things for you.”

"...Steven finds fulfillment in caring for others. So Zim… is  _ useful _ to Steven by being… helpless."

Steven couldn’t help but cringe. It felt a lot weirder hearing it so bluntly. "I-I guess."

Zim was quiet for several long moments, contemplative. Slowly, he crawled into Steven's lap, and grabbed the half-human's hand. Steven took the hint and pet the Irken's skull as he relaxed incrementally, soon slumped against Steven's chest.

"I want to be useful," Zim muttered into the soft pink jacket between them. "I want to please you." He raised his head, eyes searching.  _ "This  _ pleases you? Taking care of Zim like a helpless worm?"

"You're not a helpless worm," Steven insisted, wrapping himself around Zim in a bear hug with no complaint from the little alien. "But, yeah. I guess  _ I  _ want to be useful, too, and taking care of you makes me feel useful."

"...Promise Zim. Promise that you like Zim like this, and you’ll never ask Zim to change!"

"I-"

_ "Promise!" _

"I-"

"PROMISE ZIM!"

"ZIM, I PROMISE!" Steven shouted back, exasperated. In a fond way, though. "I promise I won't ever ask you to change. I want you  _ just like this.  _ I love you just the way you- mmph."

Zim's smacked his hand against the half-human's mouth, looking embarrassed. "I want to please my Steven," he muttered, oblivious to the way Steven swooned at the pet name, "but Zim is not ready for the declarations of your undying love yet. I would prefer it if we went… slow."

"O-oh! Of course!" Steven took Zim's hand in his own, pressing kisses against tiny claws, reveling in the Irken's flustered blush. "We can go as slow as you want too! I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable." 

"HAH," Zim scoffed stiffly, still blushing bright pink. "It'll take more than  _ that _ to faze the mighty ZIM!"

"Oh, right, excuse me," Steven chuckled, overjoyed this was going so well, even if they'd gotten off to a rough start. "So, uh… is it alright if I kiss you? Not that I'm not sure the mighty Zim could handle it, of course."

Zim seemed much more at ease about this proposition, and gave a curt, satisfied nod. "Yes, that is acceptable."

Steven didn’t hesitate, leaning forward to press his lips against Zim’s mouth chastely. Zim was worryingly stiff against him. Steven started to pull away, worried the Irken just wasn’t ready for this next step yet. At the last moment Zim's long, wriggly tongue wormed it's way past his lips.

Steven jumped, startled- not that this was his  _ first _ kiss, but… maybe his second or third kiss, and  _ definitely _ his first kiss that went any farther than a quick peck on the lips. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Should he be following Zim’s lead?

Zim quickly drew back, easily seeing Steven’s hesitance and growing concerned. “I thought you wanted to do the slobbery human kisses. This does not please you? Is my technique inadequate?”

“N-No, no! You didn’t do anything wrong!” Steven forced an awkward chuckle, hiding his face in Zim’s shoulder as he mumbled, “I-I’m just, um. Those are p-pretty advanced techniques!... and I’m pretty new at this. Augh, this is embarrassing…” 

Steven felt Zim’s chest jump as the alien chuckled fondly, and let tiny, clawed hands raise his face up to meet Zim’s eyes, looking at ease. “We can go as slow as Steven needs to, as well.” He easily slotted himself against Steven’s chest and under his chin, nuzzling the half-human’s neck. “Does this please you?”

He was still considerably embarrassed, but Steven couldn’t deny that he was relieved they were taking a step back. “Yeah,” he sighed, pressing his lips chastely against the top of Zim’s head. “This is perfect. Thank you."

Zim preened at the approval, and snickered. "Perhaps my Steven could fetch Zim another donut?"

"You've already eaten more than half of them," Steven chuckled, but was still eager to honor the request, still feeling butterflies from that pet name. Later, Steven delightedly carried a well-fed and satisfied Irken bad to the dondai.

Maybe he still felt a little guilty over making Zim so dependent on him. For giving up and sabotaging the Irken’s attempts at rehabilitation to keep him from leaving. If he ever changed his mind about staying in Beach City with Steven, would he even be able to survive on his own again?...

But then, only  _ Steven _ could make Zim feel this happy, this fulfilled, this loved. Zim needed to feel useful, and only  _ Steven  _ could give him such purpose.

Zim needed  _ Steven _ , and  _ only  _ Steven.

* * *

Perhaps Zim felt a little, tiny,  _ insignificant  _ amount of guilt over making Steven so dependent on him. The two of them could both potentially live hundreds of years, and humans weren’t known for their penchant for commitment. Who knew if Steven might one day regret solely leaning on Zim for validation for the rest of their lives?...

But then, only  _ Zim _ could make his Steven feel this happy, this fulfilled, this loved. Steven needed someone to care for and depend on him, and only  _ Zim _ could give his Steven such purpose.

Steven needed  _ Zim, _ and  _ only _ Zim.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated! I'm very curious to see if anyone else is interested in exploring this ship!


End file.
